The best family jokes

Son: "Mom, I love you so much!" Mother: "I don't have any money, try it with your dad."
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: family, love, money
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
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has 77.03 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
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has 76.48 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, family, sex, wedding
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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has 76.22 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, family, work
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
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has 75.23 % from 530 votes. More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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has 75.17 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, family, kids, technology
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