The best family jokes

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, "No, but I have done 53 that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."
Vote: has 77.34 % from 314 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, sex
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
Vote: has 77.15 % from 95 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, couple, family, kids
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
You're a redneck if: -You have more fingers than you do teeth -You cut your grass and find a car -You consider Denny's a Fancy Resturant -Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors -Your age is higher than your I.Q. -Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?" -You ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "It's a gummy bear." -You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up. -You say "Watch this" every time before you goto the hospital. -Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
Vote: has 76.54 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, family, hospital, redneck, stupid
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
Vote: has 76.53 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back. A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!" The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, church, family, kids
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Vote: has 75.24 % from 68 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, customer service, family, stupid


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