The best family jokes

Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, doctor, family, work
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, dad, family
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Vote: has 73.75 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, family, marriage, sex, wife
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, couple, family, kids
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses!"
Vote: has 73.52 % from 487 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, beauty, family, hospital, little Johnny
Get bad marks, relatives will insult you. Get good marks, friends will insult you.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, friendship, insulting, school
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer." Mom: "You don't have Cancer!" Me: "So it's working..."
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, health, weed
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
Vote: has 73.48 % from 54 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, political, time, women, work
Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !" Ramu: "It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Ramu: "She's a woman".
Vote: has 73.45 % from 116 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, school, teacher, women
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
Vote: has 73.31 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship