The best family jokes

Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."
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More jokes about: family, football, geography, management, sport
Little Johnny's brother, Little Jimmy, was in the toilet throwing Johnny's toys in the toilet. Johnny saw his brother doing this and yelled "JIMMY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" His brother replied "Next time you'll think twice before you don't let me play with you." Little Jimmy threw a toy car in the toilet and said "Bye bye, racecars!" Little Johnny stuck little Jimmy head in the toilet saying "Bye bye brother!"
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More jokes about: family, game, kids, little Johnny, mean
Yo mamma so fat she broke your family tree.
Vote: has 66.44 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, family
Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Vote: has 65.79 % from 501 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, family, food
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, family, holiday, lawyer, marriage
Q: What do two rednecks say after breaking up? A: Lets just be cousins.
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More jokes about: family, redneck, relationship
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn't a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, "Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?" "Darling, I really didn't like it. After all those years, I've gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy."
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: birthday, family, little Johnny
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, family
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, math, memory, teacher