The best family jokes

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?" Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
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has 74.05 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, ugly
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
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has 73.53 % from 280 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, kids, political
On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
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has 73.31 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
*BOOM* Mum shouts: "What was that?" Me: "My coat fell." Mum: "It sounded a lot heavier than that!" Me: "I was in it."
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has 72.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: family, life
Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !" Ramu: "It's a family tradition". Teacher: "What do you mean?" Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher". Teacher: "What about your mother?" Ramu: "She's a woman".
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has 72.77 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: family, school, teacher, women
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn." I also in payoff on funeral days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
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has 72.71 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: family, funeral, time, vulgar, wedding
Most of our music store customers have a story about their old vinyl collection. Once, a man asked how much a record cost. My coworker quoted him the price, then added, "But there's a surcharge if we have to listen to how your mother made you throw out all your old vinyl records."
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has 71.97 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: customer service, family, mean, money, music
You mama is so fat when we went to the beach the whales sang, "We are family."
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has 71.76 % from 327 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, fat, Yo mama
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
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has 71.55 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: family, life, work