The best fart jokes

Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart? A: You are the wind beneath my wings.
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
Vote:
has 55.86 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: fart, kids, little Johnny, school, teacher
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: fart, god, money
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
Vote:
has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.  The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running.  About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.  He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.  The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.  The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.  The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit... third fucking rooster I bought this month." Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, fart
Yo' Mama is so dumb, if her brains were farts, there wouldn't be enough to stink.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: fart, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: car, fart, travel, Yo mama
There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved his dick right up her ass. Then she blew one gnarly fart, Blew his ball two feet apart. Over the hill went Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of shredded meat.
Vote:
has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Three kids were smoking behind the shed. "My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first. "Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy. "That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
Vote:
has 54.13 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dad, fart, kids, weed
Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride. A truck driver picks them up. After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, "Please sir can I fart?" The truck driver then says, "Yeah sure who cares." So the gay guy goes "POOF". Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof''. Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?" The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow. The fart was huge and smelly and loud. The gay men then say, "He is obviously a virgin."
Vote:
has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, gay
<<<78910
More jokes →
Page 7 of 11.