The best fish jokes

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Vote: has 68.84 % from 226 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, fish, time
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Vote: has 68.66 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. "No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, communication, fish, kids
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, fish, lawyer, money, work
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Vote: has 67.31 % from 54 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, death, fish, kids, stupid
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
Vote: has 66.68 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Vote: has 66.46 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, fish, life
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, fish