The best fish jokes

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 71.09 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
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has 71.09 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
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has 69.24 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: cop, fish
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 68.55 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
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has 68.14 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, fish
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
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has 67.79 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, food
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?" "Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: customer service, fish, food
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
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has 66.14 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?" His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don’t know, son." The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?" Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son." Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?" Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son." The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, fish, kids