The best fish jokes

One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing. He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur. Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!" He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone. He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole. Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!" He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again. "There's no fish there!" it booms. He looks up nervously. "G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks. "No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
Vote:
has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, god, management, vulgar
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
Vote:
has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
How does an LA policeman go fishing? He catches one fish, then beats it until it tells him where the others are.
Vote:
has 70.80 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: cop, fish
Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune! The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Vote:
has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: fish, money, redneck, stupid, travel
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
Vote:
has 69.92 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"
Vote:
has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, fish
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
Vote:
has 69.72 % from 240 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Vote:
has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. "No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, fish, kids
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, life