The best fish jokes

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 71.23 % from 173 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
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has 69.45 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, food
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
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has 69.39 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, lawyer, money, work
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 69.36 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and make sure that's your pa in there."
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has 68.14 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: cat, death, fish, funeral, little Johnny
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, life
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish