The best fish jokes

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms."
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has 69.30 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fish, holiday, sex, wife
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.
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has 69.23 % from 229 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, time
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, lawyer, money, work
My 3-year-old granddaughter, Sydney, told my husband, Ted, and me that she was going fishing with her dad. Ted asked if she was going to use worms. "No," she said. "I'm going to use a fishing pole."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, fish, kids
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish
Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, fish
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, life
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
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has 66.17 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish