What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Tom, Frank, and Harry are fishing in a boat. Frank stands up to get a beer, loses his balance, falls in the lake, and dissapears. After a few minutes, and no sign of Frank, Tom tells Harry he better go in after him. Harry drags him into the boat and notices hes not breathing. "Better give him mouth-to-mouth" says Tom. "Whew! I don't remember him having this bad of breath!" says Harry. Tom replies, "Oh yeah, well I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit!"
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish."
Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.