A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie.
As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it.
The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie.
The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied.
"He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Vote:
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café.
They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's.
"What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter.
"Apple," he said.
"Then why is it called Herman's pie?"
"Because Herman called in to reserve it."
Vote:
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.
"Give me a couple of steaks," he says.
"We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher.
"Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
Vote:
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on.
He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!!
" The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles
of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this
gives you the full use of your penis."
Great I'll do it.
Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date.
He feels a rustle in his pants.
So he just ignored it.
It happens again.
So he figured it just needed some air.
So he unzips his pants to let it
out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the
table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table.
His date stared
in complete awe and said " Can you do that again".
He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.
Vote:
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy.
Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:"
"Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride.
He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?'
"And so, here we are!"
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast?
A: Mice Krispies.
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.