The best food jokes

Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?" Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
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has 76.95 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's. "What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is it called Herman's pie?" "Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
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has 76.71 % from 380 votes. More jokes about: baby, doctor, elephant, food, sex
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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has 76.70 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drunk, food
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
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has 76.68 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, single
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food, music, women
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:" "Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"
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has 76.06 % from 531 votes. More jokes about: driving, food, gay, sex
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
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has 75.97 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, time
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
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has 75.93 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
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