The best food jokes

Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Vote: has 75.17 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, food, life, music
A desperate man goes to the doctor because he can't get a hard-on. He says " Doc I can't live without sex, I need the use of my equipment back!! " The Doc says " There is an experimental procedure where the mucles of a baby elephants' trunk are removed and implanted in your penis, this gives you the full use of your penis." Great I'll do it. Some time after the procedure, the man is at dinner with his date. He feels a rustle in his pants. So he just ignored it. It happens again. So he figured it just needed some air. So he unzips his pants to let it out. The problem seemed to go away until his penis reached up onto the table, grabbed a roll and disapeared back under the table. His date stared in complete awe and said " Can you do that again". He said " Probally but I don't think I could fit another roll up my ass."
Vote: has 75.16 % from 347 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, doctor, elephant, food, sex
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What is a ghosts favorite snack? A: Boo berries
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, Thanksgiving
Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, food, time
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:" "Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"
Vote: has 74.96 % from 473 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: driving, food, gay, sex
Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, travel
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.
Vote: has 74.94 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, food, geography


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