The best food jokes

When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it? A: Cucumber, dirty people.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: customer service, food, math, stupid, work
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
Vote: has 75.25 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Vote: has 75.17 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, food, life, music
Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
Vote: has 75.16 % from 161 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him. He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick. "And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief, "I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
Vote: has 75.05 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, food, money
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, fitness, food, gym
Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, food, time