The best food jokes

My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: food, mean, religious, wife
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 74.68 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
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has 74.49 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
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has 74.49 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, food
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, phone, time, work
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
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has 74.40 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: computer, food, IT, marriage, romantic
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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has 74.39 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: food, life, technology
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
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