The best food jokes

A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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has 75.96 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid, technology, time
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
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has 75.90 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, life
A guy arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find his lover in bed with a young, handsome boy. Just as he was about to storm out of the house, his lover stopped him with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about:" "Driving home, I saw this young guy, looking poor and tired, I offered him a ride. He was hungry, so I brought him home and fed him some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. His shoes were worn out so I gave him a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. He was cold so I gave him that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. His trousers were worn out so I gave him a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as he was about to leave the house, he paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your lover doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!"
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has 75.90 % from 554 votes. More jokes about: driving, food, gay, sex
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
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has 75.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: food, life
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it." Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained. "Really, what do you take for that?" she asked. Ian replied, "Pepper."
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has 75.31 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: airplane, dirty, food, medical, time
Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
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has 75.28 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, phone, time, work
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 75.21 % from 193 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
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has 74.97 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, food
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