The best food jokes

This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it." Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained. "Really, what do you take for that?" she asked. Ian replied, "Pepper."
Vote: has 76.85 % from 119 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, dirty, food, medical, time
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family. "I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one. "That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
Vote: has 76.74 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, death, food, mother in law, Thanksgiving
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
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More jokes about: animal, food, wife
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
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More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women
A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, food, friendship, lawyer
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
Vote: has 76.27 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, food, health
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
Vote: has 76.22 % from 71 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
Vote: has 75.97 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, life, time, work


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