The best food jokes

On a Roman warship, the galley boss looked over his slaves and shouted, "Today I have good news. All of you are getting extra food tonight." The slaves all looked at him in silence, except one decrepit old man in the back, who moaned, "Oh God, no, not again." A new slave next to him asked, "Why are you moaning?" "This only happens when the Captain's nephew wants to water ski."
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: family, food, management, sport, war
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food, health, hospital
Two girls take a walk on a hot summer day. They see an old lady sitting in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice she isn't wearing any panties. "Is it cooler without panties?" they ask. She says, "I don't know if it's cooler, but it sure keeps the flies off the watermelon."
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has 74.08 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, food
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.
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has 73.99 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: black humor, disgusting, food, relationship
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
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has 73.89 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: fat, fitness, food, gym
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful!
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has 73.80 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: food, life, technology
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
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has 73.77 % from 500 votes. More jokes about: food, sex, work
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
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has 73.77 % from 182 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, women
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 73.55 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, phone, time, work
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