The best food jokes

Chuck Norris can get a Pepsi out of a Coke machine.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney. About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed. He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief. The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything. About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off. The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it." Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before. She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?" Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained. "Really, what do you take for that?" she asked. Ian replied, "Pepper."
Vote: has 78.45 % from 90 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, dirty, food, medical, time
Facebook is like a fridge. Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
Vote: has 78.27 % from 704 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Facebook, food
Yo mama is so stupid, she returned a doughnut cause it had a hole in it.
Vote: has 78.27 % from 348 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed. "Breast fed," the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination. Motioning for her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is under weight! You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."
Vote: has 78.18 % from 441 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, doctor, food, women
A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn’t respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you.” The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, “What’s for dinner, honey? He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” She replies, “For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!”
Vote: has 78.06 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, food, men, wife
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, travel
How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food
Spilled milk cries over Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?" Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, doctor, food