The best food jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it. He commands it to enter his mouth.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: food, Halloween, ugly, wife
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
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has 74.94 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: computer, food, IT, marriage, romantic
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
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has 74.81 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
Spilled milk cries over Chuck Norris.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him. He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick. "And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief, "I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
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has 74.77 % from 136 votes. More jokes about: cop, food, money
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."
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has 74.54 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, food, life, prison
Chuck Norris can peel an orange with his eyelids, but he rarely needs Vitamin C.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
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