The best food jokes

What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Vote:
has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?" The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?" The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."
Vote:
has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, food
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
Vote:
has 73.52 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: food, money
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Vote:
has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, health
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
Vote:
has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, internet, IT, technology
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
Vote:
has 72.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 72.80 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
Vote:
has 72.70 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, food, life, music
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
Vote:
has 72.70 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: food, military
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
Vote:
has 72.63 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
<<<14151617
More jokes →
Page 14 of 72.