The best food jokes

"Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?" "Because I helped her."  "But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?" "I helped her eat her gummy bears."
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has 73.68 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, little Johnny
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 73.50 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
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has 73.48 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: fat, fitness, food, gym
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.
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has 73.41 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: food, lawyer
Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
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has 73.26 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet? A: A free for all.
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has 73.25 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
"Excuse me," he says to her, "do we know each other?" "Sure," she answers, "one of my children is yours!" The guy confused, thinks and suddenly remembers the only time he cheated his wife. So he asks her: "Were you that stripper invited at a bachelor party at the suburbs last spring and we ended up having wild sex in the kitchen? You had manacled my hands and you cramed a carrot in my a…!" The woman frowned answers: "No, I am your son’s philologist..."
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has 73.25 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: food, kids, sex, wife
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
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has 73.22 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, military
Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
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has 73.08 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: food, sport
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