The best food jokes

Yo' Mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
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has 73.84 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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has 73.83 % from 109 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
Mrs Laura a kindergarten teacher asked her class "what things we can eat?" "Bread" "Yes" "Hamburger" "Ok" A five years girl answered "Light", "Omg" shouted the teacher, "how can light be eaten?" "Last night I heared mom whispering to dad 'turn the light off and put it in my mouth'".
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has 73.79 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, food, kids, sex
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing testicle with a pickled onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. “How’s your sex life?” asked the doctor. “Pretty good,” the man said, to the doctor’s obvious relief. But then the patient added, “I’ve had some strange side effects that are causing serious problems.” “What’s that?” the doctor asked anxiously. “Well, every time I urinate, my eyes water.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, thoughtfully. “That’s not all,” continued the patient. “When my wife does me orally, she gets heartburn.” “Hmm,” said the doctor, as his face reddened. “It gets worse, Doc. Now, every time I pass a hamburger stand….I get an erection!”
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has 73.75 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, life, sex
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
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has 73.73 % from 495 votes. More jokes about: food, sex, work
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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has 73.58 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, travel
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, phone, time, work
Q: What Valentine's Day candy is best to give a girl? A: Her-She Kisses.
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has 73.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, Valentines day, women
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
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has 73.49 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, women
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