Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Q: What day does an Easter egg hate the most? A: Fry-days.
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.