Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
We were so poor, we had to go to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!