Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest. Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen. "That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.
The secret ingredient in the KFC recipe is Chuck Norris' approval.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.