The best food jokes

I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks. "Yes," she purrs. "I am." "Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, dirty, food, money
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
Chuck norris once ate a rubix cube and pooped it out solved.
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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has 67.89 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck
The secret ingredient in the KFC recipe is Chuck Norris' approval.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, travel
Why didn't the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid, technology, time
Me driving by a Taco Bell. Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Two weeks later: Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, management, mean
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