Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore. The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens." The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job." Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant? A: Sum Yung Gi.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when I asked what was for dinner, she took off her shoe and said, "Corns."
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.