The best food jokes

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.
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has 66.01 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, health
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, geography
One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!" The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, ugly, vulgar, wife
Yo mama's so fat that even Barack Obama couldn't afford to take her out to dinner.
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has 65.56 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, political, Yo mama
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore. The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens." The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job." Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: desert island, food, work
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.
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has 65.32 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.
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has 65.20 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: age, food, Yo mama
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, old people
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