Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices.
But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast.
They taste like chicken.
The secret ingredient in the KFC recipe is Chuck Norris' approval.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone?
He desperately wanted a scoop.
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests."
"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?"
"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."