Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
The world is like a jar of jelly beans. Everybody hates the black ones.
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris put corns in the Milky Way and eat them at his breakfast.
If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him. He organizes a feast and calls the man. Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!" Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."