An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”
Second soldier: “No way, Jose!”
First soldier: “Whyever not?”
Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
Q: What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
A: Tear gas.
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Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
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When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat".
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Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup."
Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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