I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.
"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
Vote:
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
A blonde enters a library.
She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
The librarian says "Ma'am this is library."
So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch.
With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there.
"Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father.
"But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits.
"Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her.
And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
The world is like a jar of jelly beans.
Everybody hates the black ones.
Vote:
Yo mama's so old her breast milk is powdered.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"