The best food jokes

Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, internet, IT, technology
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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has 67.13 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, god, husband, kids, life
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese. The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats. She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?" An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: age, food, geography, old people, travel
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food, mean, old people
Yo mama's so old her breast milk is powdered.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: age, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, life
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb? A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, light bulb, work
A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: couple, doctor, food, kids
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