The best food jokes

What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
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has 67.79 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fish, food
A busload of retired Americans was touring Switzerland. On the third day, they visited a farm known for its excellent quality goat cheese. The young farmer's wife gave them a tour, a cheese making a demonstration, and finally some samples. As the retirees were tasting the cheeses, she pointed to a pasture full of goats. She said, "This is a special pasture where we let our older goats graze happily after they can no longer give milk. In the United States, what do you do with your old goats?" An old lady piped up, "Honey, they take us on bus tours."
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, food, geography, old people, travel
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water. I decided to tell the waitress. "This soup is awful," I said. "I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, food
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
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has 67.69 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher. The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham. The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo. That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?" His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo. At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham." The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food, life, wife
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
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has 67.64 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: food
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
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has 67.61 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: cat, food, kitty, life, poems
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, math, stupid, work
Sweet candies are nice to eat, sweet words are easy to say, but sweet people are hard to find. Oh my God! How did you find me?
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has 67.29 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food
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