A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" came the reply
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.
The bean soup I'd ordered was mostly water.
I decided to tell the waitress.
"This soup is awful," I said.
"I know," she said. "I don't like bean soup either."
Vote:
Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.
The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.
The preacher's wife is shocked.
The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.
That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?"
His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher.
The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home.
She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo.
At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham."
The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths.
"I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
Sweet candies are nice to eat, sweet words are easy to say, but sweet people are hard to find.
Oh my God!
How did you find me?