Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat".
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend." The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "Hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "Yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
The world is like a jar of jelly beans. Everybody hates the black ones.