Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.
Yo' Mama is so ghetto, her wedding cake was made of cornbread.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boo-bees.
Why does a chicken lay eggs? Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal? A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.