What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job? A: He was caught beating his meat.
Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles.
Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water. The result is now sold as Red Bull.
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore. The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens." The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job." Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!