Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters. She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse. Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called? A: A Cock in the mouth!