A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef.
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant.
He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs.
The old gentleman said, “Oh, no.
We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.”
The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied,
“Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Vote:
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
Vote:
Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Vote:
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.