Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
Spilled milk cries over Chuck Norris.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry? A: It went back four seconds.
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.