Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry?
A: It went back four seconds.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.
Los Angeles Homeless...
Homeless people here are different.
You ever notice that?
Our homeless people are serious, man.
They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America?
A: Throw a cookie into the street.
A boy asks his mother for breakfast.
She says, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today."
So he kicks the chicken.
He does the same with the cow and the pig.
The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry.
His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon."
Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat.
The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."