Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb? A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.
A couple goes to Mexico City on vacation and eats at a famous local restaurant. The waiter tells them they have a delicious special every Sunday, so the couple orders the special. With great fanfare, the waiter brings out a large silver serving platter with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. The couple is delighted with their meal, and the husband asks the waiter what fabulous meat was in the dish. "Senor," he explains, "each Saturday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate." The couple is a bit taken aback by what they have just eaten, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Six months later, the couple returns to Mexico City and decides to go to the same restaurant. Feeling adventuresome, they order the same dish. Once again, with great fanfare, the waiter brings out the huge silver serving dish and places it on the table. But this time, there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one. The man says, "Excuse me, but the last time we were here and ordered this dish, it was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this portion so small?" The waiter smiles and replies, "Well, you see, senor, sometimes the bull wins!"
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."