Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.
A blonde enters a library. She goes to the counter and says "I'll like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola." The librarian says "Ma'am this is library." So the blonde leans in and whispers "I'd like a cheeseburger, fries, and a cola."
Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called? A: A Cock in the mouth!
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.