My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
Yo mama is so old in her time Burger King was know as Burger Prince.
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" came the reply
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him. He organizes a feast and calls the man. Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!" Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."