Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
Chuck Norris once gave a man an apple. Today that man is known as Steve Jobs.
If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
If Chuck Norris were an Adam's Apple, he'd be in your throat right now.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat yours too.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna.
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."