If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Chuck Norris can have his cake and eat yours too.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"