A random communist leader hears about a man making jokes about him. He organizes a feast and calls the man. Leader: "This is how all meals will look in the future!" Man: (looks for a few seconds at the leader then says): "I thought I was the one around with the jokes."
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
Chuck Norris boils an egg by holding it.
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries until each had half of them. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would let him buy another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared 50-50.” The young man asked the wife if she was going to eat, to which she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use our teeth.”
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg.
When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.