A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast.
At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.
The man said that he actually felt worse.
“Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.
“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse.
One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet."
They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?"
The other replies, "I'm having a ball!"
Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dammit, slow down, you're eating too fast!"
Vote:
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry.
So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Vote:
Yo mama is so stupid when you asked her to grab McDonald's she brings the building home.
Vote:
Knock Knock.
Who's there!
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don't let me in!
Vote:
One day a blonde went to a sea food restaurant and saw the tank where they kept the lobsters.
She took pity on these creatures and hid them in her purse.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Vote:
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken?
Roost beef.
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
Jawbreakers.
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!