Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
Q: What do you call fake spaghetti? A: "I'm pasta."
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today." Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke." Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order." Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's." Employee: "Sir its McDonald's." Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup." Waiter: "Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers."
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.