A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
Chuck Norris eats black holes for breakfast. They taste like chicken.