Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch." The teacher said "When its my break." "Your break for what? the kid asks. "My break up" the teacher said.
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"