Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Why wouldn't the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?" The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there." To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boo-bees.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have? Plenty of milk.
Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.