Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal? A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"