The best food jokes

One day, little Suzie was strolling around the house and just happened to pass by her sister’s room. She heard her sister say on the phone to her boy friend. “Your such an as***!” and she hung up. Suzie asked what as*** had meant and her sister sayin “Uh… it means… uhh.. boyfriend!”. Suzie is delighted to hear a new nice word. Then,She was walking past the bathroom where her dad was shaving. Her dad had cut himself and yelled “SHIT!” Then turniing around saw little Suzie ask what shit means. Dad, being quite shocked answered “It uhh.. It.. It means shaving cream.” Then, Suzie walked downstairs to help her mom with the dinner turkey. Suzie’s dad’s boss was coming to dinner tonight. When Suzie went in the kitchen, her mom accidently cut herself yelled”F***k!”. Suzie asked what f***k meant and mom replied ” it..it..it uummm…it means cut… yeah, cut.” Just as mom said that, the doorbell rang and asked Suzie to go and get it. When Suzie opened the door, her dad’s boss was standing there. Boss asked” Well hello young lady! Can I ask where your family is? ”Then Suzie said” Well, my sister’s upstairs talking to her as*** on the phone, my dad’s in the bathroom wiping the shit off his face and my mom’s in the kitchen f***g the turkey!”
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, phone
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Yo mamma so stupid she locked herself in safeway and starved to death.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, food, stupid, Yo mama
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, hospital, sex
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
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has 64.64 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: food, men, sex, time, women
Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
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has 64.59 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
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has 64.37 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, poems, sex, time
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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has 64.35 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
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