How do you describe an angry potato? Boiling Mad.
Yo Momma's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border!
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !
What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.
Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza: Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread" Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!" Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."