How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Zero.
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?"
And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
If you want to lose weight, it is not so difficult as it seems.
You only have to leave out the third breakfast, the fourth lunch and the fifth dinner.
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew?
When it has hares in it.
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
"You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops."
(WHACK...she spanks him)
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."