The best food jokes

When Chuck Norris bakes cookies for his enemies, he adds his own secret ingredient to make a special taste to it. Its called "defeat".

Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

Superman is weakened when exposed to Kryptonite. Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast without even a belch.

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.

Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water. The result is now sold as Red Bull.

I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."

What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.

Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.

Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!