How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road.
He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen.
Damn, that is one ugly child!."
As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears.
Just then, a mailman came to her rescue.
"What's the matter, madam?" he asked.
"I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed.
"There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket.
"Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant?
A: Sum Yung Gi.
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender "what's with the meat?"
The bartender says, "If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?"
The man takes another look at the meat, then says, "I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high."
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."
Vote:
Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.
Vote:
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
He had his first taste of Christianity!
Vote:
Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan?
A: We have to stop meating like this.
Vote:
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.