What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Michael: "What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?" Matthew: "I don't know. What?" Michael: "Candy corneas."
Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFCs.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."