Yo' Mama is so fat, her stair master has a dinner tray attached.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Chuck Norris's favourite drink is diamond juice, which he squeezes out of raw diamonds with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
For breakfast Chuck Norris enjoys toast and jellyfish.
Not only CAN Chuck have his cake and eat it too, he WILL.
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk? An udder failure.
What did one dairy cow say to another? Got milk?
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."