The best food jokes

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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has 58.16 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market? A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
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has 58.09 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: democrat, food, money, political
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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has 58.00 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: food, little Johnny, school, teacher
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, family, food
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
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has 57.66 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
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has 57.62 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: elf, food
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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has 57.62 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food, single
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy ambassador at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by her beauty that he asked her to marry him. The secretary knew she couldn't insult a foreign dignitary, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." "Anything, anything," said the ambassador. "First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72-karat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." The ambassador picked up his cell phone, called his personal accountant, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" "Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons, along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France." The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal brokers in New York and France, and said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!" The secretary knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis." A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
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has 57.43 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men, time
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