Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive! 1. Candy 2. Flowers 3. A sweet poem 4. Dinner/Dancing 5. Waffle iron 1. CANDY It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share. OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. DINNER/DANCING It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 5. WAFFLE IRON It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use. OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.
Chuck Norris ate once at Hard Rock Cafe. It's now called Shakey's.
What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
Yo Mama is so fat, when she sweats, she smells like butter.
I ordered a foot-long sandwich from a take-out restaurant and asked the clerk to cut it into fourths. "I'm sorry, I can't," she said. "I already cut it in half."
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant? A: Sum Yung Gi.