The best food jokes

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It's mashing!
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life, racist
Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him: "Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!" "I do not want," says the little one. "Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful." "I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest. "My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow." And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"
Vote: has 61.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, dirty, food, kids
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Lays chips claims "No one can eat just one". Wrong. Chuck Norris ate ONE, laughed then ate a whole bag of Doritos.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris has his own protien powder. The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, food, Santa
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" No. The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" No. The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck." The farmer shot Chuck.
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, dating, food, life
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Vote: has 61.25 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, women
Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?
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More jokes about: food, sport