What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
Vote:
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932.
The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
“I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.
I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree?
A: A rice bush.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Vote:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."