The best food jokes

At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. "Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."

What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!

That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."

On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"

What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.

Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting? Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

Have you heard of the new Obama happy meal at Mcdonalds? It comes with a promise that you'll get a toy someday.

What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.

Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.