When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.
Yo Mommas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter.
Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
Where is the best place to hide a nigger's food stamps? Under his work boots.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
What's black and white and rolls down the Boardwalk? A nigger and a seagull fighting over a French Fry.