Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.
Rabbit: "I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?"
Friend: "Don't worry; be hoppy!"
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."
Vote:
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.