The best food jokes

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy ambassador at a very expensive restaurant in New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by her beauty that he asked her to marry him. The secretary knew she couldn't insult a foreign dignitary, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." "Anything, anything," said the ambassador. "First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72-karat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement." The ambassador picked up his cell phone, called his personal accountant, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!" "Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons, along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France." The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal brokers in New York and France, and said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!" The secretary knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis." A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
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has 57.43 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: food, marriage
A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked. “No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes!”
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men, time
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
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has 57.23 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: food, money, Yo mama
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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has 57.17 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: food, money, old people, time, wife
Why did the cannibal live on his own? He was fed up with other people.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It was escaping from K.F.C.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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has 56.88 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
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