The best food jokes

Yo momma so fat, her patronus is a cake.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, family, food
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, life, work
"Why are you studying your Easter candy?" "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: easter, food, science
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: dog, food, winter
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, mean
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, weed
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: beer, communication, food, love, marriage
Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive! 1. Candy 2. Flowers 3. A sweet poem 4. Dinner/Dancing 5. Waffle iron 1. CANDY It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share. OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. DINNER/DANCING It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 5. WAFFLE IRON It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use. OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food, mean, romantic, women
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