The best food jokes

When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
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has 58.46 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
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has 57.66 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy? A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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has 57.64 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive! 1. Candy 2. Flowers 3. A sweet poem 4. Dinner/Dancing 5. Waffle iron 1. CANDY It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share. OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. DINNER/DANCING It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 5. WAFFLE IRON It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use. OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food, mean, romantic, women
At the supermarket checkout, the cashier was having trouble finding the price for my cucumber. "Maybe the list is alphabetical," I offered. So he started searching from the bottom of the list: "Q... Q... Q..."
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has 57.40 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: customer service, food, stupid
Yo mama is so poor that she washes paper plates.
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has 57.23 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: food, money, Yo mama
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food, science
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl. Each one tries to get rid of the other. Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week. Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there. When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, food, love, teacher
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