Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris. He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Los Angeles Homeless... Homeless people here are different. You ever notice that? Our homeless people are serious, man. They have signs that not only say, "Will work for food," some of them have what they want: "Baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet potato pie, sour chives."
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right. As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?