What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break...
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
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Two Muffins were baking in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!"
The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
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A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
“Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
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Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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