The best food jokes

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Vote:
has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: business, flirt, food, money, sex
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, food
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl. Each one tries to get rid of the other. Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week. Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there. When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Vote:
has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, food, love, teacher
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
Vote:
has 56.02 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, money, Yo mama
Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Vote:
has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, food, old people, weather
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, money, old people, time, wife
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, food
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
Vote:
has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food
<<<39404142
More jokes →
Page 39 of 72.