What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful?
It's mashing!
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low."
"Pick up bread. We be back."
Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food?
He wanted to raised stewed beef.
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual?
No, only medium rare.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
There were three guys manhers, shaup and shed.
They went for a drive, shed wanted to go to the store to pick up snacks for the ride.
So shed went in the store.
Twenty minutes passes they were getting impatient so manhers went in what's taking him so long.
Minutes later a police officer went to him and asked his name he replied "shaup!"
Police officer was startled what he said.
Police said "where's your manners boy!".
Shaup replied to the officer "he's inside picking up shed*
Yo momma so stupid she thought that doctor pepper could heal her.
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!