Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: "Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder." Coworker: "We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?" Customer: "Collard greens."
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.
I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1". I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office. When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television. I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you.... - No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom? 3 - Keep your spe cs in the box.. Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 4 - Salary already paid to maid. No need to be extra generous. 5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not? Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs... And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'... Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright. No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again. 8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended. No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. So sleep early.... 10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... They all w ill be out of station in this period.... 11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one. I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least. 12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you. Happy vacation
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband. "But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter. "Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles.
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.