The best food jokes

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?" He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right." "Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break." "I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!" After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife. As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?" She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Helo...Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
has 53.57 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife
An American family has grandparents who live in Russia. Every month, the grandparents send a package of powder to the American family. The package always says: "Just add water." Every time the family does this the powder turns into a delicious soup. The soups are always different and the family is always excited to find out which new foreign flavor they get to try out. One day, the family receives a package in the mail containing some gray powder. Assuming that this is another soup, the family dumps it into a pot and adds some water. However, unlike all the other soups, this one t astes grainy and disgusting. The family still eats it though just to be polite. A week later, a letter from the grandpa comes in the mail saying: "Grandma Taya has died and I have sent the ashes to you. She wants to be scattered in America as that is her favorite place."
has 53.35 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: death, ethnic, family, food, geography
Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles.
has 53.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Yo mama so fat and stupid, she went to a grocery store and tried to gamble at Butterball.
has 53.18 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, stupid, Yo mama
Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are
has 53.15 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, food, men
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband. "But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter. "Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
has 53.05 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife
When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onins cry.
has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
has 53.04 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, wife
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
has 52.96 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: blonde, food, husband, wife
More jokes →
Page 44 of 72.