One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Chuck Norris eats granite and drinks lava for his lunch.
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low." "Pick up bread. We be back." Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!