Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner. They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good. Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door. The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families. She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun. They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls. The father says "this soup stinks!" The mother says "honey a nun brought it to us be grateful." The father then tastes it and says "ew it tastes like shit" and the mother say s "honey just keep eating." After they finish they go to the living room and the news is on. The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked.
Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge? A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
What is a bear's favourite drink? Koka-Koala.
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: "Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder." Coworker: "We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?" Customer: "Collard greens."
A woman asks an agriculturalist: "Please, tell me what shall I do? I have a garden but nothing grows there, like flowers or vegetables." The agriculturalist says: "You know, it is to dung the garden with a good fertilizer." The woman says: "And wouldn´t it be better to plant the vegetables directly into the ass?"
Superman is weakened when exposed to Kryptonite. Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast without even a belch.