A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
Q: Where do cowboys cook their meals?
A: On the range.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat lunch, he drinks dinner.
Vote:
The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types."
An American family has grandparents who live in Russia.
Every month, the grandparents send a package of powder to the American family.
The package always says: "Just add water."https://unijokes.com/
Every time the family does this the powder turns into a delicious soup.
The soups are always different and the family is always excited to find out which new foreign flavor they get to try out.
One day, the family receives a package in the mail containing some gray powder.
Assuming that this is another soup, the family dumps it into a pot and adds some water.
However, unlike all the other soups, this one t astes grainy and disgusting.
The family still eats it though just to be polite.
A week later, a letter from the grandpa comes in the mail saying: "Grandma Taya has died and I have sent the ashes to you. She wants to be scattered in America as that is her favorite place."
I threw a ball for my dog...
It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.
Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe.
Chuck said, "I don't like the juice."
Hitler heard him wrong.
Vote:
Men are like......Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office.
At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses.
At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed.
"I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner.
They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good.
Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door.
The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families.
She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun.
They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls.
The father says "this soup stinks!"
The mother says "honey a nun brought it to us be grateful."
The father then tastes it and says "ew it tastes like shit" and the mother say s "honey just keep eating."
After they finish they go to the living room and the news is on.
The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked.