The best food jokes

Do people who run know that we're not food anymore?
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, sport
Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan? A: We have to stop meating like this.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, food
Yo mama so fat that when she sat on a rainbow she made Skittles!
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
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has 57.10 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
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has 57.04 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
Chuck Norris eats granite and drinks lava for his lunch.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
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has 56.92 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low." "Pick up bread. We be back." Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, Yo mama
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
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