How do you know when there's a rabbit in your bed? You can smell the carrots on his breath.
Q: Why won't Easter eggs go out at night? A: They don't want to get "beat up".
Yo momma so fat, her patronus is a cake.
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move? A: The splits!
Yo Momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!