What did the potato chip say to the battery? If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband. "But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter. "Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles.
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.