The best food jokes

Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.
Vote: has 55.57 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house. They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says, "Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, food
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
What did the potato chip say to the battery? If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
Vote: has 55.11 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" She replies, "Sorry, this is a library." The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"
Vote: has 54.97 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, food
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on da toilet it said here's a carrot and a diet coke.
Vote: has 54.87 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 54.66 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: couple, food, marriage, sex, wife
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food, time
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, food