The best food jokes

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, disgusting, family, food
What did the potato chip say to the battery? If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: food, life
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: business, flirt, food, money, sex
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she put a cucumber in her panties and pulled out a pickle.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine? Hamburger.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
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has 54.13 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: food, weed
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
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has 54.05 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, food, money, sex
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
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has 53.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: blonde, college, communication, food
My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office. When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television. I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you.... - No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom? 3 - Keep your spe cs in the box.. Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 4 - Salary already paid to maid. No need to be extra generous. 5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not? Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs... And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'... Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright. No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again. 8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended. No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. So sleep early.... 10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... They all w ill be out of station in this period.... 11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one. I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least. 12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you. Happy vacation
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has 53.78 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: food, holiday, stupid, travel, wife
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