The best food jokes

Yo' Mama is so fat, she keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Signs You're No Longer in College... You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. Your potted plants stay alive. You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill. Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces. You attend parties that the police don't raid. You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking. You refer to college students as "those kids." You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza. At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out. Naps are no longer weekday options. Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy. Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips. You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: college, divorce, food, marriage, money
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, cop, food, ginger
Q: What do spaghetti and blondes have in common? A: They both wiggle when you eat them!
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, food
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A milk dud.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food, teacher
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote: has 49.30 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Vote: has 48.65 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food