A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low." "Pick up bread. We be back." Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare.
Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
Why did the horses kept saying orange juice? Because a filly gulped to much orange juice that she turned orange!
When do cannibals cook you? On Fried-days.
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Chuck Norris knows the secret of the Caramilk