A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
"I’m in a big trouble!" "Why is that?" "I saw a mouse in my house!" "Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap." "I don’t have one." "Well then, buy one." "Can’t afford one." "I can give you mine if you want." "That sounds good." "All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap." "I don’t have any cheese." "Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap." "I don’t have oil." "Well, then put only a small piece of bread." "I don’t have bread." "Then what is the mouse doing at your house?"
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna.
How do you know when you re eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it.
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do.