The best food jokes

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”
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A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
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More jokes about: food, money, old people, time, wife
Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
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More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, food
What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
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More jokes about: black humor, food
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."
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More jokes about: food, school, teacher
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
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More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, food, morbid
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
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More jokes about: blonde, college, communication, food
A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my ass." The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"
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More jokes about: dirty, doctor, food
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it's hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"
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More jokes about: communication, food


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