Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The other missionary replied, "I just peed in the soup!"
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Yo' Mama is like a bag of chips: Fri-to-lay.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna.
Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.