The best food jokes

What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, food
An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs. His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies. As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs. Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table. He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies. Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
Vote: has 53.78 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, food, funeral, old people, wife
What do cows read at the breakfast table? The moospaper.
Vote: has 53.46 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Vote: has 53.35 % from 56 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, customer service, food, tax
Q: What do you call a fried potato in your pants? A: Dick-tator.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, food
There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship. The ship was sinking so the black guy said, "quick throw off anything we don't need." The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.
Vote: has 52.68 % from 102 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people, food, mexican, racist, white people
Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, food, men
A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?" He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right." "Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break." "I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!" After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife. As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?" She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Helo...Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife


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