The best food jokes

If Chuck Norris was here in the Philippines, there would be no hostage crisis. He eats hostage-takers for breakfast!
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, money
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Vote: has 46.18 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cat, food, heaven
Yo mama is so skinny that she eats a nut and thoughts that she’s pregnant...
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, Yo mama
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, food
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter? A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
Yo' Mama is so flat, the last time she felt a breast was in a KFC bucket.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama
A retiree and his aged wife started having problems in remembering, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the wife got up from her chair and her retired husband asks, "Where are you going?" She replies, "To the kitchen." he asks "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" She replies, "Sure." he then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" She says, "No, I can remember that." he then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." She says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." he replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in her voice, she says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." She then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes she returns from the kitchen and hands him a plate of bacon and eggs. He stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, memory, old people, technology, wife