We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
Yo mama so fat all the McDonald's food are gone.
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For One 1 16oz can of Miller Lite The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?" The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?" He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?" The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on. St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed. Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off. The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?" The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.