Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!
Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
Chuck Norris boils an egg by holding it.
What does a cannibal eat with cheese? Pickled organs.
Chuck Norris can toast bread in a freezer.
Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.
A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" She replies, "Sorry, this is a library." The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
Standing in line at a restaurant, I noticed that the few available tables left had not been cleaned off. I mentioned this to the cashier, who told the manager. A minute later, an annoyed-looking teen emerged from the back with a spray bottle and paper towels in hand. "All right," she bellowed clear across the crowded dining room, "which one of you people wanted a clean table?"
I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.