The best food jokes

My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office. When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television. I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you.... - No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa... 2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time... Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom? 3 - Keep your spe cs in the box.. Last time around it was found in the refrigerator. 4 - Salary already paid to maid. No need to be extra generous. 5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not? Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs... And our laundry person and milkman are also different. 6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'... Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work.... 7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright. No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again. 8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended. No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday.. 9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days. So sleep early.... 10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee... They all w ill be out of station in this period.... 11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one. I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least. 12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you. Happy vacation
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: food, holiday, stupid, travel, wife
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
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has 51.55 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dating, dirty, flirt, food, sex
During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
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has 51.37 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: family, food, kids, military, war
Yo' Mama is so fat, she brought on world hunger.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, Yo mama
Chuck Norris invented hot sauce. To put on his peppers.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
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has 51.31 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart, food
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
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has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, food
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, food, life
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, chocolate, food, life
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