The best food jokes

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay? A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
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More jokes about: disgusting, food, gay, work
Inside a Best Buy store. Customer: "Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder." Coworker: "We have all types of shredders. What will you be shredding primarily?" Customer: "Collard greens."
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More jokes about: customer service, food
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
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More jokes about: Facebook, food
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of you.
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More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Yo' Mama is so flat, the last time she felt a breast was in a KFC bucket.
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More jokes about: food, insulting, Yo mama
During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
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More jokes about: family, food, kids, military, war
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
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More jokes about: animal, dirty, food
A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order. "I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband. "But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter. "Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."
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More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife