Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!
Q: What is the worst thing about a vegetable? A: Spitting them back up in a wheelchair.
Chuck Norris was once so famished, he ate Turkey. The country there now is only an impostor.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave. "Excuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing", said the guy, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Chuck Norris invented hot sauce. To put on his peppers.
What’s a mouse’s favorite record? Please cheese me!