The best food jokes

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, fitness, flirt, food, sex
A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, husband, men, wife, work
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, cop, food, ginger
Q: Whats worse then finding half a worm in your apple? A: The Holocaust.
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, black humor, food
The snake was punished because Chuck Norris tempted it to ate the apple.
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More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde, food, husband, wife
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought a ribbed condom was soul food.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."
Vote: has 49.51 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, teacher
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote: has 49.36 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife


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