Q: Where do pirates buy their parrot food? A: Petsmarrrrrrrrt!
A man walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the guy started to leave. "Excuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what the guy had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing", said the guy, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheez Whiz? A: Cheez Whuz.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she tried to put the leftover orange juice back in the rind.
Chuck Norris invented hot sauce. To put on his peppers.
The cake is a lie, Chuck Norris is THE TRUTH.
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
If it were true that you are what you eat. Then you are about to be a roundhouse kick.
"Why are you studying your Easter candy?" "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
What is a cannibal's favorite food? Baked Beings.