A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library." So the blonde whispers, "Oh sorry! can I have a diet coke then?"
Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
I can teach you how to handle a cucumber.
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't because it won't come.
Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."