The best food jokes

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
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has 78.80 % from 163 votes. More jokes about: age, food, memory, old people, wife
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes. One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt. "We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners. They eat their fill and leave. The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
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has 78.74 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, food, money
Yo mama is so stupid, she returned a doughnut cause it had a hole in it.
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has 78.69 % from 633 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
Q: What's the difference between Miley Cyrus and a salad? A: The salad is dressed.
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has 78.55 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, food
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food, priest
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
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has 78.52 % from 1227 votes. More jokes about: food, stupid, Yo mama
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
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has 78.45 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
Yo mamma is so fat, her diet pills say M & M.
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has 78.38 % from 380 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Maths teacher: "If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Priya, 3 to Sonia and 2 to Penny then what will you get?" "3 new Girlfriends!"
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has 78.35 % from 314 votes. More jokes about: food, relationship, school, teacher
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness." The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
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has 78.23 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: bird, food, parrot