The best friendship jokes

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, new year
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: 1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Vote: has 77.47 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, friendship, life, winter
I kind a feel sorry for Hitler. Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, Hitler, memory
Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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More jokes about: doctor, friendship, health, memory, money
Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army. They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together. After retirement, they went to different states and settled. However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails. To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately! When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself." Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table. He was asked what had happened. He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, communication, friendship, military, old people
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
Vote: has 76.89 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, friendship, hospital, nurse
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
Vote: has 76.32 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, friendship
Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Vote: has 74.43 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, friendship, women
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. He was high on my list of priorities.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship, life
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: friendship