The best friendship jokes

Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, birthday, dirty, friendship, sex
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, game, school
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer. His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted". He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough." His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?" He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beer, communication, friendship, marriage, mean
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
Vote: has 68.80 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, friendship, internet, IT, technology
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen... Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?" Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, friendship, health, stupid
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
John: "Hey can I borrow some money? I'm broke." Michael: "Get money from your job." John: "I got fired." Michael: "Why?" John: "My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside." Michael: "This is why we are friends."
Vote: has 66.77 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, life, management, money, work
Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend. "Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked John. Jack thought for a minute and said. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" After a moment of silence, John spoke. "It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiot." Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said. "Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: friendship, hunting, science, stupid, time
Yo mama's so dumb that when she saw the "Under 17 not admitted" sign at a movie theatre, she went home and got 16 friends.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, friendship, stupid, Yo mama
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
Vote: has 64.93 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day