On a cold day of January, I went to visit one of my friends in his house; it was snowing and my friend urged me to stay the night with him. They had only 2 rooms one for themselves and other for their baby; so I suggested to rest in baby' room. In middle of the night, I need WC which was in the garden and was so difficult for me to go there. I thought some moments then decided to change my place with the baby. I did so. And pissed in the place of baby; when I returned to change again I saw that the baby had shitted in my bed!
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
Two dyslectic fellas sat in the kitchen... Fella 1: "Ere, can you smell gas?" Fella 2: "Who me? No... I can't even smell my own name!"
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend. "Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked John. Jack thought for a minute and said. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" After a moment of silence, John spoke. "It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiot." Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said. "Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
A boastful hunter kept telling his buddies the same story, and they chided him for telling it over and over. He reminded them that they often tell the same stories. "Not so," said one friend. "We re-share, you repeat."
*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.