What did God say when he made the first niggers? Oops! Burnt another one!
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
In the beginning, God created light because Chuck allowed him to.
Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude. The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs. The nun realized this. She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?" The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
Do you know why God is called "God"? Because "Chuck Norris" is already taken.