The best god jokes

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
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has 53.60 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: drunk, god, husband, marriage
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: god, life
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
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has 52.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god
The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace. "For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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has 52.38 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, god, priest
A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"
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has 52.29 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, life, racist
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude. The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs. The nun realized this. She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?" The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
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has 51.70 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?" "Yeah, for sure..." "And then... What are you waiting for...?"
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: god, love, women
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
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has 50.89 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: bible, god, technology
Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
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has 50.29 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
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has 49.42 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
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