The best god jokes

What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
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has 56.77 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: god, men
What did God say when he made the first niggers? Oops! Burnt another one!
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has 56.25 % from 302 votes. More jokes about: black people, god
On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony. The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."
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has 55.72 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: family, god, marriage, wedding
Got said, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris looked at him and said: "Say please."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, god, mean
God created universe, Chuck Norris created God.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god, life
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
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has 55.25 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. "Good God!" exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me." The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, hunting, religious
Do you know why God is called "God"? Because "Chuck Norris" is already taken.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
People believe in God. God believe in Chuck Norris.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road. He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride. A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?" "And what makes think he's not?" The black pastor snaps back. The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision. When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Christ himself. He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"
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has 54.86 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: black people, church, death, god, heaven
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