The best god jokes

Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, god, money
What did God say when he made the first niggers? Oops! Burnt another one!
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has 55.04 % from 317 votes. More jokes about: black people, god
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: god, life
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. "Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?" William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary." Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question. "Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!" Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: god, kids, school, teacher
So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?" Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun." God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations." The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan." "Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp." Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?" "Fuck that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."
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has 53.76 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: geography, god, heaven, kids, sex
A deer hunter who was an atheist was out in the woods when suddenly a 1,000-pound deer stepped out. "Good God!" exclaimed the hunter. Suddenly, a voice from Heaven said, "I thought you don't believe in me." The hunter replied, "Up until now I didn't believe in 1,000-pound deer either."
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has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, hunting, religious
Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
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has 52.97 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: drunk, god, husband, marriage
In the beginning, God created light because Chuck allowed him to.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, god
Q: What is so ironic about Atheists? A: They're always talking about God.
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has 52.91 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: atheist, god
Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: fart, god, money
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