What did God say when he made the first niggers?
Oops! Burnt another one! 
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The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."
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Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs.
"Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you."
Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.
He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him.
But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help.
She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude.
The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs.
The nun realized this.
She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?"
The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
The girl says to the guy; "Honest to God, tell me what you think... Can anyone love me?"
"Yeah, for sure..."
"And then... What are you waiting for...?"
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9
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Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
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God said let there be light.
Chuck Norris said say please.
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