The best health jokes

The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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has 56.30 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
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has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, husband, nurse, stupid
Yo momma is so ugly that Superman lost his supervision and went blind.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: health, ugly, Yo mama
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."  The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, health
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: dentist, health, time
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