Bruce Lee didn't die from an allergic reaction. He died cause Chuck Norris decided to not let him live anymore.
People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.