A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother. „Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.
Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
What's funnier than cancer? Most things, really.
A guy is going down on a prostitute. During the process he pulls out a piece of corn. Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues. Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick." The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
On Sunday little Johnny with his dad went for bathing. The ground was slippery. So poor boy for avoiding of knocking down grabbed his father's penis. His father smiled and told him: "Oh boy you are lucky. If you were with your mother you were concussion!"