The best health jokes

The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, old people
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
Vote:
has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, geography, health, war
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote:
has 56.31 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
Vote:
has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, husband, nurse, stupid
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
Vote:
has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
Vote:
has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, health
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
Vote:
has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Vote:
has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
<<<13141516
More jokes →
Page 13 of 22.