The best health jokes

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, geography, health, war
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.
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has 56.30 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
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has 56.20 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, husband, nurse, stupid
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
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has 55.19 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
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has 55.11 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: black humor, health
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: family, food, health, hospital
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
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has 54.87 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: health, insulting, Yo mama
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."  The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
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has 54.77 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, health
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