The best health jokes

What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, health
Q: Why was the lesbian sick? A: She was lacking vitamin D.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: health, lesbian
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, disgusting, health
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
Vote: has 54.05 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, health, life, work
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Vote: has 54.04 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, health, science, sex
A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
Vote: has 53.15 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dad, family, health, masturbation
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, health, life, time
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dentist, health, time
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Vote: has 52.41 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt, health, sex
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote: has 52.31 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife


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