The best health jokes

fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
Vote: has 50.62 % from 332 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, insulting, Yo mama
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting, health
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Vote: has 48.78 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
Vote: has 48.26 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health, time
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, old people
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
Vote: has 47.24 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, health
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, health, money, old people, wife
Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
Vote: has 45.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, health