Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."
My husband, who uses a wheelchair, showed up at his eye doctor for an appointment. The receptionist checked the schedule, then said, "The nurse will call you in a moment. Have a seat." He smiled. "Done."
How did the tugboat get AIDS? It was rear-ended by a ferry.
When you break a leg it is actually not your leg that is broken. It´s Chuck Norris´s leg. He owns everything including you and your pityful leg.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her crabs ride dune buggies.
What happens when you kiss a canary? You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.
Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues? Because he had a stinking cold.
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.