The best health jokes

Q: Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? A: An invalid.
Vote: has 46.70 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese
Vote: has 45.48 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food, health
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, health, money, old people, wife
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day. So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
Vote: has 42.03 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, marriage, wife
What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it? The AIDS team.
Vote: has 41.84 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, health
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, health
Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold? A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, health
"How are your hemorrhoids?" "Swell."
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Vote: has 39.32 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
Vote: has 37.45 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, health