Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation.
It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company.
The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive.
I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy.
I wish well to myself.
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?"
Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour."
Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?"
Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this."
Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Did you know Chuck Norris's tears was the curernto Cansa, but the problem was he never ever cried.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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„And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?" asks mother.
„Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"
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A guy is going down on a prostitute.
During the process he pulls out a piece of corn.
Mildly disgusted, he tries to forget about it and continues.
Then he finds a chunk of carrot and a pea, and he says, "I think I am going to be sick."
The whore looks up and says, "That's what the last guy said!"
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